Taking the first steps

Well I have started towards my writing career, I have started my own squidoo and hub page pages. I am really excited about this, it felt good to be able to sit down and write a article and actually finish it :) I think it turned out pretty good for my first one. You can see my pages in my link section if you wanna take a look see. I have many more articles in the works and will be moving onto writing my own ebook.  Not sure about what the subject will be yet, as i have alot of ideas to toy with. 

Now since I have started, I hope I can keep myself on track with this. Seems I get distracted alot lately with my family, life, etc.  But I will just have to make the time and work towards my goals.  I even told my son earlier that I was going to write a novel one day and his exact words was "I am sure you will" and I said " you don't think that I will" and he said "sure". Now I am hoping he meant he had faith in me or his way of saying, "yea okay mom, whatever" lol  

Well I just wanted to share my excitement, well to me anyways it is :)  Until next time.. 

My son made me realize alot today!

It took my son today to make me realize that its time for me let go of my past & the anger I have been holding for the past 4 years towards my ex husband. It all started with a post that posted of Facebook, grant it  shouldn't have said it the way I did, but I didn't mean for it to cause what happened today. I want go into details, but it ended up with my son and my daughter getting very upset with me and getting into an yelling match with his current wife. After time we calmed down enough to talk things through.

My ex and I haven't been able to communicate since the divorce and it always ends up in a big argument or drama getting started from it. I am not saying that I am not a part of it, but I never wanted to hurt my kids. I didn't really realize until today how much it was affecting them. I knew something has been my son these past couple of times he was with me, but he would never talk to me. Come to find out it was because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. He loved me that much to not say anything. When I found that out, it was like my heart dropped. I have always told all my kids that they can come talk to  me and I wouldn't get angry, but I guess they haven't totally realized that.


Divorce is hard on any child, no matter what age they are. But when you got two parents that are not willing to communicate with one another for the child's sake it makes it that harder for the children. I am willing to talk to my ex and get this resolved or at least be civil, but from what I found out today he hates me so much, that he doesn't want to do that right now.  The sad part is yes, I have made mistakes throughout the divorce, but I the reasons why he hates me, I wasn't the total cause of it. But its to late to make him realize that now.


Word of advice: No matter how hard your divorce was or how much you are angry with your ex, let it go. Because if you don't that resentment and anger will only eat you up and it will individually start effecting your kids.  I held onto the anger for 4 years and not only did it affect my kids, but it affected my marriage and myself. 


Until next time.. 

Gotta get something done!

Here it is 9:47 at night and I have yet to do anything to work towards my writing career. Even though countless of ideas and thoughts are going through my head. Sometimes I feel like my brain is about to explode. I haven't even worked on my writing course in the past couple of days. Of course I have been playing chauffeur, with having to take my husband and daughter back and forth to work. But that isn't any excuse, its not like I don't get a couple hours of quiet time.  I mean seriously its not like my two doggies are going to try and have conversations with me. Although if they did, then I may personally lock myself up in the loony bin  :)


Needless to say Its getting very frustrating, I mean why am I procrastinating so much? I have asked myself that question countless of times only to yet find the answer.  I told my husband that I sometimes feel that I may have ADD, because my attention span is like hardly there and my mind jumps from one thing to another. I guess it may come with getting older, because I am turning 38 next month. Almost hitting that 40 mark, ( If only I was 21 again)




Okay, now its been almost an hour since I started writing this post, see I get to distracted to easily. Ugh,  I am determined to make this work because I don't want to be an old maid the rest of my wife :) Don't get me wrong I love my family very much, but dammit I have spent all my life being a mother/wife, its time for me start spreading my wings. So hopefully tomorrow will be better and I can get something accomplished, hell even if its working on my course.  Well enough of my rambling, I bid you a good night. Until later..

Life Reflections

Do you sometimes sit and wonder where you life has gone? What direction it has taken? I do it all time. Life can take you many directions, some that you may not want to go. I know mine has and although I don't hate my life, I sometimes wish it could be better. Does that sound selfish? Probably, but I have learned over the years that if you are not honest with yourself, then you can't change what you don't like. 


I used to be jealous of others that had more then me , drove those fancy cars and lived in nice houses, but then I asked myself "why be jealous?" yes, they may have more then me, but those are only materials things and what i have is far greater.  I have a great home, (not a big house, but one that I love) friends, family, husband that loves me unconditionally and awesome kids. But just because I have these things doesn't mean that I want to change somethings about my life.  


I am the biggest procrastinator and that is because I am afraid of failure. My mom and husband are constantly telling me "if you don't get out there and try it then you don't know if you can succeed with it" Those words rang so true, but just getting the courage to do is another thing. I fail in the aspect that I don't try, you don't know how many projects I have started only to stop them.  I used to have an graphic design business, but I stop doing it years ago. Had I continued with it I may be successful with it right now. 


I have decided, as you may have read in my last post, that I am going to take the steps to do what I always wanted to do since I was a teenager.  Write,  I don't know how many nights I would stay in my room when I was younger and write stories.  Some were bad and some was good, but the bottom line is I loved to do it and still do. Just marriage, raising kids got in the way and I stopped that as well. See the pattern here :)  My biggest goal is to make a career out of it. 


So the moral of my story as i am sure you heard thousands times before, never give up on your dreams no matter what life throws at you and never take for granted what you have. Love your life, friends, family and children and always find time to laugh. Until next time..

yes, I am alive!

Once again I have neglected my blog, it seems live has gotten in the way and I just haven't cared to blog that much. Plus, lets face it my life isn't really all that exciting to find things to blog about lol. But as you can see I have once again gave my blog an facelift (yes, I am leaving it like this) I just wanted a more vibrant & fun feel to it. I think I have accomplished that.


So anywho, what has been going on in my non exciting life recently, hmm lets see I finally enrolled into an online creative writing course that I have always wanted to do. I am pretty excited about that, just got to get my butt in gear and start studying lol. I also got a few projects that I am fixing to start; one being an online clothing store and the other my other blog which will pertain to just me writing/blogging about whatever.  I haven't decided the name I was thinking something like "the inquisitive soul" or something along those lines.


I love to write, my biggest dream is to start writing short stories and get them published and then move onto writing a book. I don't care if its  a best seller, just the thrill of seeing my book in the bookstores is  enough for me. Who knows maybe one day my dream will come true, it want unless I take the steps to do it.  Well, I am done rambling, got to go pick up my daughter from work and take me a nice long hot bath. Until next time.... Goodnight all!

Everyone's working be me!

Well, my husband and my oldest daughter both started there new jobs today. How ironic that they first started working at the same time, right! lol. Amber, my poor daughter was so nervous when she left, this is her very first job so naturally she would be. I know I was when I got my first job and I was 21, not 18.  But I know she will do great as long as she keeps her attitude and temper down, because her getting fired on the first day would not be very good :)

But anywho, now I can start focusing on what I want to do. What that is, I haven't totally figured it out! I have enrolled in an online class, so that is one step. I will probably take another course once I finish this one.  I have been a housewife/mother most of my life, I just feel like I need a change in my life. I am only 38, so still young enough to do so.  I don't want to be like my mom who will spend hours in front of her computer on Facebook playing games and complaining that she is tired of not doing anything.  Don't get me wrong I love my mom, but don't mean to be like that when I get her age :) Well hopefully I will figure it out and be successful with it. Just gotta keep the faith and the determination, eventually it will pay off.

Until next time..